Fantastic Four

Well, not that I'm that much of a fantasy or comic book aficionado, but I was actually looking forward to Fantastic Four. In the end, though, it's kind of a low-rent, poor man's X-Men.

If X-Men was aimed at a 16 year old mind, Fantastic Four is dumbed down to about the 13 year old mind. The dialog is incredibly lame with the expected pseudoscientific jargon sounding like obvious mumbo-jumbo.

The special effects, with one or two exceptions, are no better than what you see in other movies (or TV, for that matter) all the time, and are far less impressive than what we've seen lately in such movies as Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith or Batman Begins.

In a nutshell, four people, two of them scientists, and a billionaire businessman, are rocketed up to a space station to perform some experiments during a radiation storm. an accident happens and all them are exposed to radiation. As a result, each of them acquires a different power. The female scientist, Jessica Alba, can become invisible and also project force fields. Her ex-lover (Ioan Gruffudd) develops the ability to stretch as if he were made out of rubber. His assistant (Michael Chiklis of The Shield fame) becomes a being made of stone with great weight and strength, and finally Alba's brother (Chris Evans) can burst into flames, develop extremely high heat, and fly through the air. The billionaire develops a bio-metallic physique and can affect and control power sources around him.

These characters are named, in order, The Invisible Girl, Mr. Fantastic, The Thing, and The Human Torch. The bad guy is Dr. Doom.

The drama, such as it is, comes from the conflicts between members of this group, sparked primarily by Alba's rebellious and irresponsible brother and The Thing's desire to regain normal appearance. Added to this is the bitterness of Dr. Doom, who, after the accident in space lost control of his corporation.

No explanation is given as to why each one developed a different power. Normally, radiation sickness follows a fairly predictable course depending upon the degree of exposure.

I was looking forward to seeing the hottie from Sin City, Jessica Alba, but in the first part of the movie her hair was pulled back so severely, it almost gave her a facelift. As the movie progressed, and she warmed up to the character who supposedly had once been her flame, her hair loosened up a bit (an old movie trick). Even so, as time went by I began to realize that as pretty as she is, she has a very big head. I'm not talking about ego...I mean physically large. She has a big head.

While on the subject of The Invisible Girl, there is a scene partway into the movie, just after she has discovered her ability, where she has to take off her clothes to be unseen. Later on, when she's wearing a Fantastic Four uniform it seems to go invisible with her.

There some dopey humor, such as when The Human Torch pops Jiffy Pop popcorn by simply putting the tin on his hand.

Obviously, I didn't like this movie all that much. I wasn't bored stiff, but I was disappointed that it could have been better and aimed just a bit higher.