The Cave

I'll admit up front that I don't generally enjoy movies set in caves, mines, or any other kind of subterranean location. That's part of what I dislike about this one, but only part.

Actually, this movie is a mess. Sloppy cinematography, sloppy editing, bad special effects and computer graphics. The acting is not exactly Oscar caliber, but it's no worse than your average horror flick and perhaps a tad better.

I go back to the setting. What's wrong with an entire movie set in a cave is that the surroundings are so different from what we know, totally lacking in the geometry of our everyday world, that it's very disorienting. Momentary disorientation can be useful to a director. When it permeates the whole movie, you start to get a headache.

Combine that with lots of shaky camera shots, intentionally out-of-focus shots, shots aimed away from the action (to make us guess or imagine what's going on) and if you're anything like me, you'll be seriously considering giving up and leaving the theater, considering the cost of the ticket a write-off.

On the plus side (and one does have to reach to find plus signs here) is that the movie features not just one, but two gorgeous actresses: Lena Headey as the staff scientist (cave expert) and Piper Perabo as the sexy and tomboyish member of the dive team.

In most of these movies you know early on who is going to be gone by the end of the movie. This is one area where the movie has surprises, which I won't get into.

As for the standard goners in these films, they tend to include any black man in the movie, any nerd, and if there is more than one female, their chances of being eliminated are in inverse proportion to their beauty (the less attractive, the more likely to be monster food.

One exception to this rule is that any slut in the movie can't be alive at the end, either. In the most stereotypical of such stories, it is usually the handsome leader of the group and the sexiest chick who come out with their skins. Someday I hope to see one where the last ones standing are the black guy, the team's computer nerd, and the most beautiful girl.

At any rate, don't hurry to your theater for this one. If you must see it, wait for it to go to video, probably next month.